Pull Me Back Home 3/4

[enochiansigils]

Title: Pull Me Back Home
Author: enochiansigils/shadowcat
Artist: sexycazzy @ LJ
Fandom: Primeval
Relationship(s)/Characters: Hilary Becker/Abby Maitland/Stephen Hart
Word Count: 44,544
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Sexual content.
Summary: When Becker, Stephen, and Abby get a much needed night alone together, they discover that each of them still have residual worries from past events and that Abby is afraid that she doesn't really "fit" with the men she loves any longer. Between talking and apologizing. they discover that even if their actions speak louder than their words, sometimes it's really nice to hear the words, too.
Author's Note: Sequel to From Where We're Standing and By The Time You Read This, but it can be read as a stand alone.





She just gave them both a very sated, pleased with herself smile.

"That was one of the best moments of my life," Becker said softly.

"Because it was all of us?"

"Exactly."

Abby's voice was slightly shy. "I thought so, too."

"So did I," Stephen said. "Because with as much time as we've been together, that was the first time where it stopped being the three of us separately and it was the three of us together." He knew it didn't quite make sense, but that was the only way he could find to put it.

It made sense to Abby and she reached out the hand that wasn't on Becker to grasp onto Stephen.

"I get what you mean," Becker said. "We stopped thinking and just started feeling."

Abby nodded. "And it was like..." She ducked her head before she said something stupid or too girly.

"It was like what?" Stephen prompted. Really, she should've known better.

"We finally had the connection snap into place for us. Like everything was waiting for us to do something like that so they could fit us back into place and bond us together like we should have been pulled together and be a bonded unit in our relationship we have."

"Makes sense to me," Stephen said thoughtfully.

She was relieved that they hadn't laughed at her girly description of why it had felt so right to her.

"I mean, sure, Hilary and I are still going to have moments where we worry about one thing or another in the relationship, but that's all they'll be -- moments." They'd been like that since Leslee's birth, but now he just had a feeling there'd never, ever be another bout of the way things had been before Abby left.

"I think that's normal in all relationships."

"Not the way we do it," Stephen said, but he was actually able to laugh about it. "We're... pretty damn special at it."

Abby laughed softly. "That's because you're two very strong and very protective of what's yours men."

"But we made it work," Becker said. "And we did it before too much time went by. I mean, sure we lost a little time, but... not so much in the grand scheme of things."

She nodded in agreement. "It could have been a lot worse."

"And I'm grateful every day that it wasn't," Stephen said.

"Me, too."

"So am I." Becker kissed Abby's cheek. "I'm even more grateful that we hadn't hurt you so badly you wouldn't want another chance with us."

She leaned her head against him. "No matter what happened or happens, I will always want to be with you for as long as you guys want me."

"You say that like you think it's going to change," Stephen observed cautiously.

"I don't believe it will," she said softly. "But there are things in my past that make me always cautious that I'll do something to screw up now that we're all happy and together."

"Even if you did, we'd find a way to fix it," Becker said gently. "Just like we would if Stephen or I did something to screw it up."

She nodded. "I believe in you guys."

"And we believe in you," Stephen said simply.

She wasn't able to move much because she was sure her muscles had melted somewhere, but she needed to be curled up in the middle of her boys. Even if one ended up facing her and the other was against her back. She needed that closeness and security.

Almost as if they'd read her mind, the two men pulled back and pulled Abby down to the bed with them. This time, Stephen was the one against Abby's back, with Becker snuggling up from Abby's other side.

She gave a small sigh of relief and then murmured something about loving them so much as she snuggled safely between them.

"We know, love," Becker murmured, touching Abby's face gently.

"My guys. My shields. My swords. My hearts."

"Yours forever," Becker promised softly.

"Forever," she repeated softly.

"Forever and always," Stephen said, hugging her gently.

She sunk into his embrace, enjoying the feel of the two of them holding her from either side.

"That's our girl," he murmured.

"For eternity," she promised.

Becker smiled faintly. "I love you both."

She lifted a hand to lay it against his cheek. "Love you."

He turned his head slightly to kiss her hand.

She smiled as he did that.

"I love seeing the two of you like this," Stephen said softly.

She turned her head slightly, to meet his eyes. "You do? Why?" She was curious as to what he saw.

"Because you two are so... young and vibrant and in love."

"But we're in love with you, too."

"Oh, I know that. But seeing you two like this is proof that I didn't horribly mess things up when I forced my way in. And believe me, I know that. I do," he assured them both. "But this is just the best confirmation I could have."

"I've always been in love with both of you," Abby whispered.

"I know, but you remember how sometimes I need those little reminders? Well, sometimes I just like seeing you two being in love with each other."

"Because it's a nice image and it reminds you that we're yours?"

"Exactly," Stephen said, relieved that she understood what he meant.

She nodded. "Always will be."

"Always," Becker echoed. "It may not always be perfect, but it's ours."

"No one had better try to wreck that for us, either."

"God help them if they do," Stephen said seriously.

"Because you'll destroy them?"

"In a heartbeat."

She nodded. "No one messes with our family."

"Not unless they have a severe case of wanting death," Stephen said. "Because really, anybody hurts you guys or Leslee, they'll pay."

She nodded, feeling a little better as she lay back down next to Becker.

"Get some sleep, love," Becker said with an innocent expression on his face. "You look exhausted."

"We have a lot of time left to be together though," she murmured even as she curled up next to him.

"You really do look exhausted, though," Becker said.

"In a good way and if I'm too tired tomorrow, I have the two of you to help me with Leslee." She was snuggling against him, though.

"It's up to you, love," Stephen said softly, stroking her hair lightly.

There was something about the two of them that always managed to relax her, and this time was no different.

"You do look tired, though," Stephen said. "But you also look extraordinarily pleased with yourself."

"I have the two best men in the world with me."

"And we're all yours," he said with a grin.

"And I can make you come by just suggesting things," she said before she thought about it.

That? Would be the two men whimpering in unison.

Abby snuggled between them, completely oblivious to anything but the fact they were whimpering.

"Though to be fair, we could probably do the same to you," Stephen said.

"Oh you have."

"I like the thought of that," Becker said.

"You guys just affect me in so many ways."

"Good," Becker said simply. "I like knowing I affect you."

"That has never been a question."

"I know," he said. "But I still like knowing it. I like seeing it."

"You mean like the way I just orgasmed so hard with you both inside me that the two of you had to hold me up?"

Becker laughed softly. "Exactly like that."

"Want to know a secret, both of you?"

"Of course," Stephen said.

"You guys both have these low, husky or deep tones you sometimes get in your voices. When you talk to me like that, I just melt and I'm ready for anything you want to do."

"Really?" Stephen looked at her curiously. "I had no idea."

She nodded.

"Good to know." He grinned.

"Only your voices, though, no one else has done that to me ever."

"Wonder why we get to you then." Not that Stephen was complaining, not by any means.

"I think it's because there's also a little bit of possession in your tones when you get that voice."

"Because damn it, you're ours," Becker said.

"Completely."

"Nobody else will ever touch you." He paused. "Well, unless we have an orgy," he said teasingly.

She laughed. "Abby belongs to you and Stephen."

"And is ours only." Becker smiled.

"Yes. And you guys are mine."

"I'm never going to get tired of hearing that," Stephen said.

"Mine mine mine?"

"Yep yep yep," Stephen replied cheerfully.

Abby grinned at them as she was nestled between the two men.

"Yours forever," he said softly.

"Please," she murmured, closing her eyes for a moment.

Stephen smiled at that. "Go to sleep, love," he whispered. "We're right here with you."

"Don't want to. If I do and then wake up, you guys could be gone," she murmured, half asleep already.

"We won't be," Becker promised. "Stephen and I are going to be right here."

She snuggled close between them, holding onto each man.

Stephen watched Abby and Becker as they both started to doze off. He couldn't help watching them; he spent a lot of time watching them and watching over them.

Abby couldn't help it. She was tired and she figured she'd only take a short nap and then see what else her boys wanted to do. It wasn't long before she was sleeping lightly.

Stephen just watched as she fell asleep; Becker dozed off a minute or two after her. He watched them both sleep for a while, watched the way they were curled around each other. He silently thanked the universe that they had let him into their hearts and their lives.

Before he knew it, he was asleep, too.



Abby was the first one to wake up. She was held securely in the middle of Stephen and Becker, so she just enjoyed the feeling of belonging for awhile.

Becker woke up next. "Hey," he murmured. "He awake yet?"

Abby lifted her head and then smiled softly. "No, he's still sleeping."

"We should let him sleep for a little while," Becker said. "He probably needs it."

"We wore him out."

"Yeah, I think we did." Becker smiled at the thought.

"I'm glad you both feel comfortable enough with me to let go."

"I'm glad you want us to let go with you," Becker said softly.

"I'll always want you to, love."

"I'd say we should wake him up somehow, but he really does look like he needs the sleep," Becker said, lifting his head slightly to look at Stephen.

She nodded. "We should let him get a little more sleep," she agreed.

"But when he wakes up, then he's ours." Becker grinned.

"Oh yes, definitely," she said with a soft smile.

"For now, I'm more than happy to just be here with you."

"Me, too," she whispered, moving closer so that she could kiss him.

He returned the kiss gently, touching her face lightly.

"Good morning, love."

"Good morning yourself."

"You look beautiful in the mornings."

"So do you," Becker said with a faint smile.

She touched her head to his. "Are you all right, love, truly?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just sometimes need to make sure that I'm giving both of you enough of what you need."

"Oh, you are," Becker said softly. "You are."

She smiled, kissing his cheek. "I'm glad."

"We're both perfectly happy right where we are," Becker said.

She looked relieved as she curled close to him.

Stephen's response to Abby's shifting away was to shift closer to her in his sleep.

"Looks like he doesn't want to let you go," Becker said with a grin.

She grinned back. "It makes me happy to know that even in your sleep, the two of you want me with you."

"In our sleep, we're afraid of you not being there," Becker said. "Not that you'd leave, but we don't like you being there and then moving away."

She nodded. "That makes sense. I... I have the same worries in my sleep, too."

"It's why we get kind of clingy sometimes when it's the three of us cuddling in our sleep," he said. "Not that you mind, just thought you should know."

"I never mind the two of you getting clingy with me... I rather like it. It makes me feel better."

"Feel better?" He looked at her curiously.

She bit her lip and nodded. "I have fears in my dreams sometimes is all."

"Tell me," he said softly. "Tell me about them."

"They're silly, love," she whispered, laying back down with him.

"Nothing about you is silly."

"I have these dreams where I wake up sometimes and you're gone. Both of you. There's no signs of you anywhere -- or the fact you were ever here with me." She swallowed. "And when I do find you... you don't know who I am."

"Oh, Abby my girl," he said softly. "That will never happen. I promise you, that will never happen."

"I know that," she whispered so as not to wake up Stephen, but there were tears spilling from her eyes. "I know that, I do. But sometimes the dreams are so real and when I wake up I'm just so relieved that I'm still in the middle here, being held between the both of you." She swallowed. "I used to think before, that being in the middle meant that I was coming between the two of you and was causing you more pain. But now I know the truth. I'm in the middle because you both need to know I'm there and that you're keeping me safe."

"That's it," Becker said softly. "That's it exactly. And maybe sometimes we get a little pushy and overbearing, but we only have the best of intentions."

She nodded. "I guess some of my fears and concerns of before hit me in my dreams at times I'm feeling the weakest."

"We love you, Abby. We love you so much," Becker said. "And we just always want to show you that."

"I know you do, Hil, and I love the both of you. When I'm not with you, I feel like I can't breathe or that a part of me is missing."

"But it's not," he said. "It's still there, it's just not... not the same."

"What do you mean?"

"That part that feels like it's missing, it's still there," Becker said. "But it feels weird because you don't feel truly happy unless you're with us. Being away from us in the course of a day is one thing, but being apart from us for very long hurts."

She nodded. "Exactly."

"You'll never have to worry about being without us," he promised.

"I believe that," she said softly. "Just the dreams hurt sometimes."

"Next time they hurt, wake us up."

And that, of course, was when the universe chose for Stephen to wake up.

"Next time what hurts?" he mumbled, still half asleep.

Abby looked helplessly at Becker.

"Bad dreams," Becker said. "Silly ones, but bad ones."

"Oh." A yawn. "He's right. Next time they bother you, wake us up."

"I don't want to disrupt your sleep over something so silly."

"Bad dreams are never silly," Stephen said.

She was quiet as she got comfortable between the two of them again.

Stephen rested a hand on her hip. "Good dreams are silly, but that's all right. Bad dreams, however? Not so much. And those are the ones we want you to tell us about. Because we can't make you feel better about them if we don't know about them."

"I didn't think about it that way."

"You don't have to tell us all about them, though obviously we'd like it if you did," Stephen said. "But at least tell us enough so we know what we're comforting you about."

She nodded. "I just didn't want you guys to think my dreams meant I had worries or doubts."

"But you do," Stephen said reasonably. "Not doubts, but worries. Because you're still scared that this is all going to go away. That's logical. Those fears aren't gonna go away overnight."

She looked away from both of them. "But I don't have doubts about your feelings for me." It was a little frightening when Stephen became the voice of reason.

"We know that," Stephen soothed. "You can still be scared about one thing without being scared of all of it."

"Oh," she said softly.

"And it's even scarier for you because you don't doubt your feelings for us. So the dreams leave you doubting yourself and not knowing what to think." Stephen smiled gently. "But you love us, Abby. You love us so damn much. You know it and we know it. And we would never, ever leave you." It hadn't been a stretch to figure out what the bad dreams were.

She nodded, closing her eyes so that they didn't see the tears that had started welling up in them.

"And we love you, too," Becker said gently.

"I know," she assured them. "I have no doubts about that."

"Doesn't mean we'll stop saying it," he said.

"Thank you. I like hearing it."

"We'll say it quite often," Stephen said.

She opened her eyes and gave them both a wobbly smile.

"Hey now, love," he said softly. "There'll be none of that."

"I know better," she said softly. "But sometimes when I first wake up from one of them, I have to reach out and make sure you're both still here."

"And we don't mind," Stephen said. "You do that, even if it means waking us up."

"You two look so peaceful when you're sleeping."

"We'd rather be awake and able to help you."

She smiled a bit brighter. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Stephen said, smiling at her in return.

"I feel silly," she admitted. "The dreams... I was afraid you would think I had doubts."

"Oh, love, maybe we would've thought that before, but we know better now," he said.

"I'm glad you do."

"We've known better for a while now."

"I'm being dumb."

"No, you're being honest about your feelings," Stephen corrected gently.

"I just... I love the two of you so much."

"And we love you."

"I know, which is why I don't know why I keep having the dreams where I'm lost."

"Because sometimes the human mind just doesn't make much sense," Becker said.

"Mind needs to stop doing that to me, then."

"Our minds do it to us, too," Becker told her softly.

She turned to look at him in surprise. "They do?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"I didn't know that."

"We have our insecurities, too."

"You've never said anything since I got back."

"Because we've been trying to make this work," Stephen said. "Really make it work. Our insecurities didn't seem to matter that much."

"They matter to me," she said softly. "Anything about you two matters to me."

"Do you really want to know?" he asked.

"I really do."

Stephen took a deep breath, looking uncertain now. "A lot of it is me being afraid you'll decide you just want him. Not when we're awake. Because I know you wouldn't. But sometimes I dream it."

She reached her hand to caress his face. "I didn't know that you dreamed things like that, too."

"I do, though," he said. "I do and I hate it."

"I understand that feeling, love." She did. There were times in her nightmares that she saw Stephen and Becker telling her to go, that they didn't want her with them.

"Because it's not often, but sometimes I dream you telling me to go, that I've pushed myself between you two for long enough." It was taking a lot for him to actually tell her this. "And sometimes I dream you telling me you regret that I'm Leslee's biological father."

Abby gasped. "Oh no. Oh, Stephen, no. Never. That would never, ever happen." She curled closer to him to hold him, knowing Becker would move closer to her as she did. "Even if for some stupid reason, the three of us together decide that we don't want to be together -- and that would never happen -- I could never and would never regret that you're Leslee's father."

"I know this," he said softly. "I know it, I really do. But when I'm dreaming, it's different."

She just held on to him. It came too close to her own nightmares to not hold onto him.

"Sometimes I dream that you decide you want him more," Becker volunteered quietly. "That you decide you want your first love and not me."

Abby whimpered softly, shaking her head, clinging to both of them. "No. Never. If I can't have both of you -- and make you both happy -- then I would never, ever, try to choose one of you. The two of you make up the pieces of my heart. I would leave before I would ever do that to one of you."

"I know," Becker assured her. "I know that. But apparently my brain likes to make me dream otherwise." He laughed softly, embarrassed. "It, uh, it's why I'm always kind of clingy when we wake up."

"I don't mind the clingy," she said gently. "Because there are times I need that." Because her mind would sometimes tell her that they had coped a lot better than she had when they were apart and that they didn't need her as much as she needed them.

"I know I'm always cuddly, but those mornings when I don't want to let you go? That'd be why."

"I didn't realize that we were all having the same kind of dreams."

"We're not as secure as we've been trying to show you we are," Stephen said. "Because we want you to feel confident in us."

"I am," she reassured him. "I'm completely confident in you and how you both feel about me."

"But we don't want you to think we have doubts about anything," he said. "We want you to feel we're strong."

"You are strong."

"We don't want you to regret coming back to us," Becker said quietly.

"I could never do that," she said softly, looking down before they could see the tears in her eyes. "I don't want you to regret that you let me come back."

"We thank our lucky stars every day that you wanted to come home," Becker said. "We don't ever want you to regret making that choice."

She chewed on her bottom lip, wondering if she should tell them how she felt.

"What is it?" Stephen pressed gently.

"I don't regret anything from either one of you. I don't regret coming back to the two of you. You're my home. But the draems... they're good at showing me that maybe you guys would have been better off if you hadn't found me because you did better without me that I did. When I was gone, you coped better than I did. I fell apart and got depressed. The dreams hurt sometimes..."

"We did not do better without you," Becker said fiercely. "We fought and snarled and nearly drove ourselves apart. And don't you dare say we shouldn't have found you. If you hadn't called me when you went into labor, you and Leslee would be dead."

Abby flinched, her eyes tearing up again. "I don't think that way, but the nightmares play on that. And I didn't say you shouldn't have found me."

"I'm sorry," Becker said softly when he saw her flinch. "I just... I don't like the idea of living without you for any reason."

"I don't like that idea very much, either."

"I didn't mean to upset you," he said.

"You didn't, love."

"You flinched."

"You were hurt."

"It was a scary thing to think about," Becker said quietly. "I don't like being without you, whether it's in my dreams or in actuality."

"I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to."

"That's never happening, love. Ever."

She nodded, giving him a small smile. "I know."

"We mean the world to each other," Stephen said quietly. "Us and Leslee are each other's worlds."

"We're a unit."

"And you can't take us apart."

"No. you can't."

"God help anybody who tries," Becker said.

"I don't think even God would get involved in that."

Stephen smiled faintly. "I think you're right about that."

"The two of you... I don't know what I would do without you in my life. Those four months... it was hard to function sometimes. And it was lonely."

"It was hard for us to function, too," Becker said. "We... well, we didn't quite fall apart, but it was close at times."

"But you were stronger than that." Than me.

"We may not have fallen apart, but we fought," Becker said. "We fought and I'm pretty sure we hated each other at one point."

"You could never hate each other no matter what you might say. You love each other too much for that."

"Didn't feel like it a couple times," Becker said. "We... we blamed each other for you being gone."

She blinked and then shook her head. "But that wasn't what I meant to happen at all."

"It took us a while to get past the blaming each other part." Becker smiled uncertainly. "Took us a while to get to where we could talk it out."

"But you did," she reminded him gently.

"Thank God for that."

She nodded. "You guys found what tied you to each other."

"We did," Becker agreed. "Just in time, too."

"Just in time?"

"We were doing each other more harm than good," he said. "Because we didn't know how to say any of it without hurting each other."

"It's hard to explain your feelings, sometimes," Abby said gently.

"And it was especially hard for us," Stephen said. "Neither of us is exactly good with that kind of thing."

"You've gotten a lot better. You tell me a lot more often how you feel now."

"Because we're afraid that if we don't, you'll end up leaving again," Becker admitted.

"Oh." She didn't know what to say to that. She liked that they had been talking more to her and each other since her return, but she didn't like that she had scared them into it. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You didn't do anything to be sorry for." Becker sighed. "It's not that we're scared... okay, yeah, we're scared, but I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that we're scared that we'll never be good enough. That we haven't fixed ourselves enough."

"That's not true," she whispered, feeling even worse. "You have always been more than good enough. There was nothing wrong with you. You just needed to find the way to approach the love still between you without me being in the way."

"You were never in the way," Becker said. "We were the ones with the problem." He was feeling horrible about this but had learned by now that pulling away from Abby would only send the wrong message. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, you should. I'm glad that you can talk to me, Becker. You and Stephen both. It was painful getting to this point, but the fact that we talk to each other more now is a good thing."

"But what I said hurt you, and I don't like hurting you."

"But you didn't say it to hurt me. There's a difference."

"I've said I'd never hurt you, and every time I say something that hurts you, I'm breaking that promise."

She shook her head. "Hilary, love, not talking would hurt me so much more. Is the idea painful that I hurt you so bad that you're afraid if you say the wrong thing I'm going to leave again? Yes. Were you trying to hurt me when you said it? No."

"It's not so much afraid that you'll leave if we say the wrong thing, it's afraid that you'll leave if we don't open up to you."

"I won't," she said almost too quietly to be heard. "I'd be sad that you didn't feel like you could talk to me and hurt if you shut me out, but I'd never leave you again."

"I'm sorry," Becker said, almost as quietly. "I can't seem to say anything right now without hurting you."

"But we're talking about our nightmares and our worries, Hilary. We're talking to each other about them."

"And I'm hurting you with them," Becker said. "I'd rather keep them to myself than hurt you with them."

Stephen made a little noise of what was either disagreement or annoyance, or possibly some balance of both. "What's hurting her is that you're so adamant about not hurting her."

She didn't want to start a fight between them, not now, but Stephen was right. If Becker was so adamant about not hurting her and keeping things to himself, that would in essence be shutting her out and pushing her away. But she didn't know how to say that without upsetting him, or without his being even more adamant that he needed to keep his thoughts to himself because he'd hurt her. They couldn't live like that -- with him convinced he shouldn't tell her the painful things that he thought would make her leave again.

"You're not supposed to hurt the ones you love, though," Becker said, but his voice was quiet and fairly calm.

"No, you're not," Stephen agreed. "But there's a difference between you hurting her and your words hurting her. If you were hurting her, you'd be telling her these things and not caring what her reaction was. But you very much do care about her reaction. Maybe you even care too much."

Abby nodded, but stayed quiet.

"We hurt her enough the first time," Becker said. "This time's supposed to be different."

"And it is," Stephen said. "It's different because you're aware of what hurts her or what might hurt her. You try and protect her from it the best you can, just like I will, because we would never intentionally hurt her. But sometimes it just happens. You're going to say things that hurt me and I'm going to say things that'd hurt you. She'll say things that'll hurt us. It's just a part of life. All we can do is be honest when we say them and supportive when we try to make it up to each other."

Abby agreed with this, and again stayed quiet because she wanted to see how Becker would react to what Stephen was trying to tell him.

"We're not supposed to hurt her, though. She's the woman we love. But..." Becker trailed off thoughtfully. "That should conflict with everything you said."

"But it doesn't," Stephen said gently.

"Because we're not supposed to intentionally hurt her. And that's the one thing we've never done. Even when things were at their worst, we were never intentionally hurting her."

"Exactly," Stephen said with a nod of agreement.

Abby let out a quiet sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry," Becker said quietly. "I'm sorry I'm such an idiot about this."

"Not an idiot," Abby corrected firmly.

"Then what would you call it?"

"Being in love."

Becker didn't quite get how one translated into the other, but Abby wasn't mad at him for hurting her, so he certainly wasn't going to argue with her about it. "Sounds good to me."

She smiled and nodded. "Me, too."

"Means I get to make it up to you, right?"

"Exactly," Stephen said again.

"Which means I get to come up with all sorts of fun ways to do so." Becker smiled, not quite grinning but close enough.

She eyed him but then nodded, her eyes full of curiosity.

"Though most of them would be along the lines of how we usually solve a problem."

She tilted her head and a small smile crossed her features. "Oh?"

"Yeah." Becker nodded slightly. "Some variation on a really good shag."

"You're always a really good shag."

"She's right," Stephen said, not at all helpfully.

"Of course I am."

"So if I had to make it up to you now, that's how I'd do it," Becker said.

Abby gave him a slow smile, her eyebrow raising.

"The question is, do I have to make it up to you?" he asked teasingly, clearly in a better mood.

Still leaning against Stephen, Abby reached out one hand to run slowly down the inside of Becker's thigh.

Becker couldn't help shivering when she did that.

This, of course made Abby smile.

"I love when you touch me."

"Good thing I enjoy doing it a lot, then."

"And I love watching it," Stephen said.

"So we're all happy."

"We are," Becker said softly.

Abby smiled and ran her hand along the inside of Becker's thigh again, watching his face.

Becker bit the inside of his cheek, stifling a whimper.

"Now imagine if that was my tongue."

He couldn't hold the whimper back that time, and he didn't want to.

"But, I believe you said you were the one going to make something up to me?" She could be just as horrible of a tease as her boys could be.

He whimpered again. "Any requests? Since I am making it up to you and all, it's only fair to ask."

She looked from him to Stephen and then turned back to Becker. "Love, I'm at your disposal. What would you like to do?"

"What I'd like to do would hardly be making anything up to you."

"It is if that's what I want."

"Even if it's me wanting to just go at you and forget all about being gentle?"

This time it was Abby who made a soft moaning sound.

Becker had kind of forgotten the part where he hadn't done that since before Abby had left them. So well over a year.

"I have missed that."

"You have?" And that would be Becker looking a little surprised and a little thoughtful.

"Yes, love. I've missed you just letting go of that control like you did before."

"Well, then..." Becker smiled slowly. "How can I say no?"

"Please don't say no."

"I'd never dream of it," he assured her, reaching out to pull her close to him.

She didn't hesitate to move into his arms when he pulled her close.

Stephen moved aside a little, giving them more room while staying close enough that it was obvious he wasn't leaving unless they told him to.

And Becker wasn't saying it, was focused on shifting Abby in his arms so that she was beneath him.

Abby didn't want Stephen to leave, and she focused on what Becker was doing -- not surprised to find herself beneath him.

Becker had settled between Abby's legs and was thrusting into her in one quick movement.

Abby gasped in surprise, her entire body lifting up against his.

He groaned softly as he buried himself in her. "God, you feel good."

She sighed softly, her eyes finding his. "So do you."

One hand touched her face gently, the other rested on her hip as he found a rhythm.

Abby turned her face into his hand, nuzzling it gently.

"God, you two are beautiful," Stephen murmured.

"You guys make me feel like I'm the most beautiful person in the world," she murmured shyly.

"Because you are," the two men said in unison.

"I love you. Love you both so much."

"And we love you." Becker was fighting the moan that wanted to come out.

She leaned up and licked his throat.

It came out as a strangled whimper. "Love that."

"Love you."

"Love you, too." Becker ducked his head and kissed her, biting at her lower lip gently.

She moaned softly into his mouth, running her hands along his back lightly.

"That's it," Stephen murmured. "You two are perfect, just like that."

Abby arched up against Becker, trying to get him deeper.

Becker moved up onto his knees; kneeling let him grab her hips and pull her hard against him.

Abby's eyes went slightly out of focus when he did that, but she was soon running a hand through his hair, then pausing to tug on it.

"Oh Jesus," he yelped, thrusting harder in response.

She smiled softly and did it again.

His response was to thrust harder again; Abby had always been able to trigger his hair pulling kink.

She yelped softly and arched up against him to meet his body. She loved when she could get him to let go with her.

Becker pushed her down onto her back again, moving over her once more as he changed angles again.

Stephen reached out to trail a hand down Becker's back, smiling as the other man shuddered.

Abby felt that shudder move through her own body and she tugged lightly at his hair again.

Stephen slid his hand up to Becker's hair, tugging gently at another spot.

Becker moaned loudly at that, bucking hard against Abby. "God, you two."

"You were the one who said he wanted to just go at me without holding back," Abby gasped. "Just helping you with that."

"Oh, I'm not complaining," Becker said. "Not complaining in the slightest."

"That's good," she murmured.

"Don't be afraid to let go," Stephen said. "You want to be slamming into her hard enough to make her scream a little, and you feel a little bad about that. But you don't need to." He leaned in to press a kiss to Becker's shoulder. "She loves you, Hil. You can absolutely go at her as hard as you want."

"Oh god. Oh god yes."

"In fact, I'd venture to guess she's imagined that a fair number of times before." Lord knew he had.

She nodded emphatically.

Becker hesitated only slightly for thrusting even harder, not quite as hard as he could but close.

The sound that Abby made in response to that was definitely one of enjoyment.

Becker laughed softly in relief and thrust again. "You like this?"

"Yes," she nodded again. "Yes."

He thrust harder. "So if I were to do this from time to time..."

"I'd really love it," she whispered a little breathlessly.

"Good, because I really like doing it." He grinned at her before giving a harder thrust, hard as he could manage at the moment.

Abby yelped and lifted her hips so that she could tighten her legs around his.

"I love when you make that sound," Stephen said. "I love when you make it because of me, but I love it even more when you make it because of him."

That surprised her and she looked at Stephen. "W-why?" She managed to ask through the sensations moving throughout her body.

"Because I know Hilary doesn't often get you to make that noise."

She hadn't thought of it like that. Becker and Stephen always made her feel all kinds of things and she was certainly very vocal with them. She wasn't able to keep track of what kinds of noises she made, though.

"Not that he doesn't get you to react." Stephen grinned. "But he doesn't let go enough to make you yelp very often."

"Needs to do it more often."

Becker had lost the ability for coherent words and even for incoherent ones; he was too focused on the fact that he was indeed now slamming into Abby like he'd always wanted.

Abby lifted her body to meet his and dug her nails lightly into his shoulders. There was no hiding that she was enjoying him letting go like this.

"Dig in more," Stephen said, having shifted closer to them. "He won't feel it like this, not the state he's in."

There was a flash of worry that went through Abby's eyes, because even though she wanted the guys to let go completely with her, she was still afraid of hurting them. Following Stephen's advice, she dug her nails into Becker's skin a little more.

Becker whimpered, but it was a very happy sort of whimper.

"Like it when you're like this," she murmured into his ear.

"How?"

"Unrestrained, losing your control."

"It's hard to be like this."

"Why?" She really needed to know.

"I'm always a very controlled person."

"But with me it's all right not to be in control, love."

"It's hard to let go."

"So let me know from now on how to help you let go."

"Letting me do this helps," he said with a gasp. "The fact that you want me taking you so damn near brutally."

"Amazing," she assured him. "God you feel amazing, Hilary."

He laughed shakily. "You're perfect, Abby."

"No, I'm not, but when I'm with you, I feel like everything is."

"You're perfect," he insisted, his voice tight.

She knew better than to ruin a moment by arguing and when his voice took on that tone, she knew better than to push it. "You make me feel so perfect, love."

"That's all I've ever wanted to do for you." He thrust one last time before he threw back his head, gasping her name loudly as he came.

Abby wrapped herself around him tighter, murmuring things into his chest.

He fought to avoid slumping against her. "Oh God," he gasped. "That was intense."

She nodded and then nodded again, running her hand along his back and pulling him close to her.

"I missed doing that," he admitted.

"You need to let go more often, love."

"I'm so used to being restrained. Keeping myself in check... well, it helped me make sure I didn't get hurt after... well, after Stephen."

"But you don't need to do that now... not with us."

"I know," he said. "And I'm trying. But it's difficult letting go of something that kept my heart safe. And Stephen, don't you dare apologize again. I know you love me."

Abby tilted her head and nipped gently at his throat. "We'll make you feel at ease letting go."

"I was a little afraid to let go," Becker admitted with a soft moan.

"Don't be. Never be afraid to be who you are with me."

"I was afraid it'd hurt you too much, cause you actual pain that you didn't like." Well, at least he was actually expressing himself.

"Never," she assured him. "Hilary, from you or from Stephen, I would enjoy that."

"That still boggles my mind a little," he admitted.

"How come?"

"I'm not used to the idea of you liking that kind of pain."

“Only when it’s you or Stephen,” she murmured, kissing him gently.

"Still. It's pain. Kind of throws me for a loop that you'd want it." He smiled and returned the kiss. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you."

"But it's a pain that blends with pleasure and makes everything feel really intense." She assured him.

"And intense is good," Stephen said. "Hil, you like it when I shag you hard, don't you?"
"I love it."

"She loves it, too."

Abby nodded in agreement. "I do. Stephen knows that and now we get you to realize it." She ran a hand down his face.

"And even if I hurt you too much, it's still me doing it to you," Becker said with a sheepish smile. "Which kinda makes up for it a little."

"And you're here to take care of me afterward if it ever happens." She blushed. "But love, sometimes... I do like it rough."

"Then I'll do my best to recognize that fact."

"I'm sure that Stephen will help you with that," she teased.

And that would be Becker blushing slightly.

"And it's good, because it's us and we love each so passionately and violently. If any one else tried to grab one of you like we do with each other? I'd punch them."

"The idea of that is kind of hot," Becker said, grinning. "You getting all possessive over us."

"It happens a lot," she admitted sheepishly. "I have to stop myself from growling at people who look at the two of you sometimes."

"Really?" Becker looked at her curiously.

She ducked her head in embarrassment. "Really."

"Sounds like we're all a little possessive, then."

That surprised her and she looked up at him then at Stephen. "You guys get like that?"

"Of course we do. Especially since you came back." Becker looked at her. "You sound surprised."

"I didn't know that you got possessive," she explained. "I guess I've never seen anything that would cause you to react like that?"

"Are you kidding?" Becker smiled. "People just looking at you gets us to react like that sometimes."

"People look at me?"

"How could they not?" Becker said.

"I guess I just have never noticed them doing it."

"Well, we have," Becker said. "A lot."

"I like that you're possessive." she said shyly.

"Good," Becker said. "Because that was another of the things I was afraid you wouldn't like."

"It's nice. It adds to the fact that you make me feel important."

"All we ever want to do is make you feel important."

"You do. Both of you make me feel like I'm the most important person in the world."

"Because to us, you are."

"I love how you make me feel, both of you."

"We just want to make it up to you for when we were jackasses."

"You don't need to worry about that."

"I know," he said reassuringly. "I know. I'm just saying, that's part of why sometimes we're so adamant about making you feel good."

"You both are so wonderful, Hilary. You and Stephen make me feel complete."

"That's all we ever want to do."

"You do, love. Trust me, you do."

"And you're good at reassuring us about it, even if we don't act like it."

"You're mine and I will always do my best to take care of you."

"Just like we'll do our best to always take care of you."

"I know. I have never doubted that."

Stephen smiled contently. "I love seeing the two of you when you're like this. So calm together, so peaceful. Talking everything out and nobody getting hurt because of it."

Abby turned to look at Stephen and she smiled. "I like this, too."

"And I'm proud of Hilary," he said. "For being able to say this stuff and not get worried. Yes, he worried earlier, but he got through that."

She nodded, pulling them both close to her. "You guys are comfortable talking to me, now, and that means so much."

"We may be a little awkward about it," Becker said, nuzzling her shoulder. "But that doesn't mean we're not comfortable with it."

"And I understand that," she said with a smile, leaning into him.

"Even when I get a little on the idiotic side about it?"

"We all have things that we want to say but won't always know how to, Hilary."

"I don't like how that makes me feel."

"That's why we'll keep learning with each other how to talk and express ourselves."

"We have to. Because I feel helpless when I don't know how to say something."

"We will, love, we will. I promise."

"I believe you." He smiled and nuzzled her shoulder again.

"We're together to do anything we need to, and that's the important thing."

"Exactly," Stephen agreed. "I know it isn't easy for you, Hilary. I know."

"I get scared to talk to you guys sometimes, too. But them I remind myself that you're the men that love me more than anything."

"And we will never be angry at you for anything," Becker said softly.

"I know that now."

He kissed her shoulder gently. "I like knowing that you feel that way," he admitted. "I don't like that it happens, but it's nice knowing we aren't the only ones afraid like that."

"No, loves, I get afraid like that, too."

"And that's when you let us make it all better."

"Yes, because you do make it all better for me."

"We're slowly working it out," Stephen said, watching them. "It's not always easy and it's not entirely perfect, but it's ours."

"Completely ours."

"And for better or worse, we're in it together." Stephen smiled. "Speaking of better or worse, don't we have someone to be calling this morning?" He still couldn't quite believe there was someone who would marry the three of them.

"Later in the morning," Abby murmured, not about to get up. It's not even three in the morning, love."

"Just trying to keep it in mind," Stephen said. "It seems too surreal to be true."

"Did lots of research. It's real."

"Oh, I'm sure it is," he assured her. "It's just kind of hard to wrap my mind around the idea that I get to be actually married to the two people I love."

"It's a nice thought that we get to do it," she nuzzled them both in turn.

"It really is," he agreed.

"I love you both so much."

"And we love you."

"I'm glad we're together."

"So am I,"Stephen said softly.

"Until death do we part."

"Exactly," Becker said drowsily.

"My guys. Mine."

"Forever," Becker said.

"I like that sound."

"So do I." Stephen smiled at the two of them. "I can't think of anybody else I'd rather belong to."

"Always belong to each other."

"Nobody can ever tear us apart."

"This is a nice thought."

"It is." Becker stifled a yawn.

"I'm keeping you two awake."

"Yeah, but it's okay." Becker smiled sleepily.

She leaned over and kissed him.

He returned the kiss gently. "I never mind when you keep me awake."

"You should get some sleep, love. I'll be right here when you wake up."

"Promise?" he asked, already half asleep.

"I swear." She said softly.

He smiled as he fell asleep.

"So beautiful," she murmured.

"He really is," Stephen agreed.

"And he looks like he's at peace," she noted.

"He does, yeah."

Abby pressed back against Stephen slightly. "You're more at peace, too."

"I suppose I am."

"Because you have the two of us?"

"Uh-huh." He nodded. "And because things are working out between us."

"You were worried like I was."

"I was."

"Me, too."

"Because you two are two thirds of my world."

"Leslee completes it."

"Exactly. She is my little miracle."

"She is a miracle baby," she murmured, swallowing at how close she came to not seeing her. "I'm glad she has you guys if anything happens to me."

"Don't think like that, Abby," Stephen said quietly.

"I'm being realistic," she said gently. "It was close before."

"I know, but I don't want to think about it."

She pushed closer to him. "I'm sorry, love."

He pulled her close. "Being without you scares me."

"Being without you scares me, too," she said, turning to kiss him.

He returned the kiss gently. "So we won't think about it."

"All right, we won't. We'll just think about the fact we have a life together with the ones we love."

"Exactly." Stephen nodded. "And that we were able to heal things between the three of us."

"Something I'm very grateful for, Stephen," she said softly, not wanting to wake up Becker. "Because I don't know what I would have done without the two of you for very much longer."

"And I don't know what we'd have done without you."

"I'll never make you have to think about that."

"I know, love." He touched her face gently with one hand. "And Hilary knows it, too, he really does."

"I hate that I hurt you both."

"And honestly, we hate it, too. Because we know how much you loathe hurting people. So if you could hurt us, it was like you didn't care." He kissed her lightly to forestall her protest. "We know that's not how it is now. But for a little bit, we worried that it was."

"It was never that I didn't care," she whispered softly. "It was because I cared so much and I knew the two of you loved each other." She swallowed. "I cared enough to risk losing you both so that you guys would realize you had each other."

"I wish it hadn't come to that," Stephen said, just as softly. "I wish we'd been able to see it without you having to leave."

"I think that the two of you were so used to fighting that the only way to see it would be for something drastic to happen to shock you into it," she murmured, turning close to him so they didn't wake up Becker. "I loved you both so much and I knew you loved me, but I knew we couldn't keep living the way we were -- especially when I found out I was pregnant."

"It still kills me a little that you knew you were pregnant and we didn't."

"I was afraid, Stephen. I didn't want the two of you to only stay with me because of some duty you felt to me and the baby. I grew up with my parents resenting me. I didn't want that to end up happening to our baby."

"No, I understand that," he hurried to assure her. "It's just that I hate myself a little for my part in it."

She touched her head to his shoulder for a long moment. "I don't want you to think like that about yourself. I made the decision. You didn't force me out."

"I know that. It's just..." He sighed. "It's hard to deal with my feelings about it sometimes."

"That's why we make sure that we talk a lot, love."

"But you get upset when I say I hate myself for what I did that brought you to the point where you had to leave."

"Because the idea of you hating yourself for anything breaks my heart, love. You didn't make the decision, Stephen. I did. It was a stupid mistake, but it was one that I made."

"You didn't get to the point where you had to leave by yourself, though. Becker and I were just as much a part of it."

"But if I had just told you how I was feeling, I know the two of you. You would have done whatever you thought I wanted you to do -- and you guys would still haven't realized how much you needed each other."

"You're the most important part of our lives, Abby. You always have been."

"And the two of you are the same to me, Stephen," she said quietly. She swallowed hard. "And that's why I had to leave, don't you see? I loved you both enough to risk losing you so you could have each other. I knew there was a chance that you would never forgive me for leaving you."

"We didn't want each other without you, Abby. Since the three of us got together, we haven't wanted each other without you."

"But you guys were so unhappy. It hurt to see my boys unhappy."

"We should've been able to fix it with you there, though." He sighed. "A secret? When you first came back, after Leslee was delivered and we'd all patched things up together... the two of us were afraid something was wrong with us, that we were broken because we couldn't fix it until you were gone so we could work through our issues. When we had you back, it made us scared all over again because we were afraid that things were only fixed as long as you were gone, that we weren't really as healed as we thought we were."

"Oh no, oh love, no. I never even thought that. I saw it in your eyes -- the both of you. I hadn't seen those feelings in your eyes for each other that obvious."

"We figured that out pretty quickly," he assured her. "But there were times when we worried. Because it killed us not to have you and when we realized we very nearly lost you and Leslee... it killed us all over again."

"But you didn't lose either one of us."

"No, we didn't. But finding out just how close we came to it terrified us. That's why things have been kind of uneven in spots the past few weeks."

"Because even after Leslee was safe, there was a still a chance..."

"That we could lose you, yeah." Stephen nodded slightly. "We had to deal with the idea of losing you again just when we'd gotten you back."

"But I was all right and I was able to come home to you."

"Yes, you were." Stephen smiled gently. "But the whole experience shook us more than we'd like to admit."

"I'm sorry that you guys had to go through that. It never occurred to me that anything could go wrong or I could get sick."

"I know," Stephen said gently. "We both know. If you'd realized that, you wouldn't have left." He hesitated. "You wouldn't have, right?"

She shook her head. "No. I wouldn't have endangered my life or Leslee's by leaving if I had known." Her's, possibly, but never their child's.

There was no mistaking the relief on his face.

She reached up her hand to stroke his cheek lightly.

He smiled at her touch. "I think that's the most I've ever been able to say about it without getting upset."

"Because you're feeling more at ease with me being here with you and talking to me about anything." She smiled softly. "Love, I may endanger my own life, but I would never have willfully endangered Leslee's. Had I known there could be trouble, I would have told you right away."

"We're just afraid the fact that you ran meant you didn't want us in Leslee's life. Oh, we're not as scared, but for a while we were terrified of it."

Abby paled a little. "I wouldn't try to keep your daughter away from you. No matter what happened between us. Even if you didn't want me, you would still be a part of her life."

"Ssh, I'm sorry," he soothed. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, love, I needed to know this. I'm so sorry that I made you worry about that."

"We don't worry so much about it now, but the first few days you were back, we did."

The was sorrow in her eyes, but her voice was firm. "Stephen, you guys could decide tomorrow that you hated me and didn't want anything to do with me, and I still wouldn't be so cruel as to keep your daughter away from you two."

"We'd never decide that," he said fiercely.

"I have worries, too," she whispered.

"Tell me," Stephen urged.

"I worry that the two of you are going to decide that you're better off without me," she said in a very soft voice. "Not all of the time, but sometimes it creeps in that I've ruined things and it's only a matter of time that you two regret letting me come back."

"That will never happen," Stephen said fiercely. "We would always feel like something was missing if you were gone."

"See, I know that, love, I do. But like you, I can't help the fear sometimes."

"I don't like being afraid like that."

"I don't either."

"We can deal with it together, though." Stephen smiled. "We'll have to tell Hilary we had this talk. He'd want to know."

"Yes he would. I just don't want to hurt him with my fears, Stephen."

"I want to say he wouldn't be hurt, but... I think he would be."

"I know." There was sorrow in her voice. "And I've hurt him so much already."

"He takes it so personally. And he doesn't need to. Which is easier said than done, I know."

Abby's eyes filled with tears and she looked down. She was never going to be able to apologize enough for hurting them like she had.

"It's my fault," Stephen said quietly. "I left him, and then when you left... to him, it reaffirmed that he's not good enough for someone to stay with ."

Tears were sliding down Abby's face as she listened to Stephen talk. "But that's not true," she whispered, heartbroken. "He's better than I deserve. You both are. I only left because I thought it would make the two of you happier with each other."

"We wound up happier with each other, but it wasn't because you left."

"I thought..." She closed her eyes, but the tears kept coming. "I never meant to make him feel like that... or hurt you."

Stephen pulled her close, holding her tightly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry."

She buried her face against his chest. "I needed to know these things," she whispered. "I just.. I never wanted him to be hurt."

"So figure out how to make it up to him."

"That's what I was trying to do tonight -- make things up to you both."

"So next time he wakes up, just jump him," Stephen said softly. "You jump him and I'll go into the other room, let you be alone."

"I don't want either of you to feel left out." Because, it was something that she was worried about. Constantly.

"Abby, it is all right to be with just one of us sometimes," Stephen said. "Don't get me wrong, I love that you want it to be the three of us so much. But being with just him would send him a message."

She raised her face to look at him, searching his eyes.

"Because it's so often the three of us. He probably worries that you don't want to be alone with him anymore."

"But that's not true," she said, her voice full of pain. "I would love to have time with each of you alone but I don't want to make it look like I'm choosing."

"Choosing would be being with one of us more than the other," Stephen pointed out. "And that is something you'd never do. Being with just one of us is all right."

She swallowed, leaning in to kiss him softly. "I love you both so much, Stephen. So much. I hate that I hurt you and I never want to risk that again."

"Being with just one of us wouldn't be risking it," Stephen promised, returning the kiss gently. "And being alone with him first would remind him you still want him for him and not as just part of the whole."

"Promise me," she whispered, a hint of desperation in her voice. "Promise me it won't hurt you."

"I promise," he said solemnly.

She nodded, kissing him again. "Then I'll take care of Hilary... and later you."

"That's fair." He smiled against her lips. "And maybe sometime the two of you could film yourselves for me."

Her eyes widened and then she tilted her head, giving him a considering smile. "You'd like that?"

"Are you kidding? I'd love it. Having something that private... oh, yes."

"Then I'm sure we can do it."

Stephen just grinned at her.

"I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

She smiled a little more. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, love." He kissed her lightly. "So remember, when he wakes up, jump him." He smiled playfully. "Or you could wake him up by jumping him."

She eyed him and then grinned. "I think it's time for my dear Hilary to wake up..."

Stephen smiled and slipped out of bed. "Enjoy yourself, love. I want details later."

"I promise that you will get in depth details."

"Good." He smiled at her again before quietly leaving the room.

Abby watched him leave and then turned her attention to Becker's sleeping form. Taking a deep breath, she curled closer to him and then ran her tongue along his throat.

Becker shivered in his sleep but didn't wake up.

She moved the blankets, and straddled him. Then she tipped her head down and began kissing down his chest.

He stirred, shifting slightly under her.

She continued moving down his body until she had reached the curve of his hips and the dips of his abdomen. She nuzzled some of the sensitive spots before she licked along the slit at the tip of his cock, then took the tip gently between her lips.

That would be when he started waking up; even half asleep, he still knew who it was. "Abby?" he murmured.

She pulled even more of him into her mouth.

He whimpered softly, twitching his hips against her mouth.

She swallowed around him, letting her throat muscles massage his cock as she pulled him deeper.

Oh Jesus, that felt good. Sleepily, Becker reached a hand down to run through Abby's hair.

She nodded, her mouth moving up and down on his hardening cock.

He was awake now, awake and moaning softly. He clutched his fingers in Abby's hair as he bucked his hips again.

When she heard him moan, she swallowed, pulling him deeper into her throat, while she ran her fingers along his legs.

He was a little confused. It'd been so long since she'd done anything to him alone -- because he knew Stephen wasn't there -- but he wasn't going to argue. He'd missed it too much to argue.

She continued working him with her mouth, moving her hands up beneath his legs and lifting his ass enough to squeeze it.

"You always did have a thing for my arse," he joked breathlessly.

Since she couldn't talk right now, she just sucked her cheeks in and moved back and forth on his cock.

He moaned loudly at that, his back arching a little. "God yes."

She picked up her pace for a moment and then backed her mouth off of his cock completely. She wrapped her hand around him gently.

"What prompted this?" he asked when he had the ability for rational speech back for a second.

"I wanted to spend some time with you alone," she said quietly. "Just the two of us."

His eyes lit up at that. "I missed that," he admitted.

"So have I. I have been beating myself up and hurting you because I thought if I said I wanted time alone with you or with Stephen, it would hurt you two. Stephen made me see that wanting that wasn't going to hurt you guys, as long as I didn't act like I wanted one of you more than the other." She stroked him gently. "So Stephen left so you and I could spend some time together alone... just you and me."

He whimpered softly. "Remind me to thank him later."

"He wants details and maybe a video at some point." She looked at him. "Do you want time alone with me, Hilary? Because I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do."

Becker looked at her. "Of course I do," he said. "I... I thought maybe you didn't want time alone with me anymore."

"Because it was always the three of us?"

"Yeah. And I mean, I enjoy being with you and Stephen together, but... sometimes I just want you."

"Sometimes I just want you, too."

"Nothing against him, because sometimes I just want him, but... sometimes I just want you."

"You have me all to yourself for however long you like tonight."

He grinned at that. "Oh, don't give me ideas."

"I want you to have ideas."

"Good, because I already do."

"Tell me... or better yet, show me."

"I need you to be on your hands and knees first."

She nodded and pulled herself up and then turned to get into that position for him.

He knelt behind her, pressing against her.

She turned her head to watch him in curiosity.

He took advantage of that moment, with her watching, to enter her slowly.

Abby groaned, enjoying feeling him moving so slowly.

He rested one hand against her hip, his other hand reaching out to grab a fistful of her hair.

Abby leaned her head back, letting him get himself settled like he wanted.

Becker tugged lightly at her hair, experimentally.

She let out a low moan at the feel of that.

"Wasn't sure you'd like that."

"Oh yes. I like that a lot."

He tugged at her hair again, a little harder.

She moaned again, pushing back against him.

"God, you really like that, don't you?"

"You're not the only one that appears to have a hair pulling fetish, love. It feels... it sends chills through me."

He thrust slowly, tugging lightly at her hair. "I love you, Abby. And I love doing this to you."

"I love you, Hilary," she murmured moving back against him again. "I love doing things with you and wondering what you'll do next."

"I love that you're letting me try this."

"I'm glad you want to." She leaned up so that she could reach back to touch his face. "My beautiful Hilary."

He wrapped his arm around her waist, keeping her upright against him. His hand was still fisted tightly in her hair.

"God," she whimpered. "You make me feel so good, love."

"That's all I want to do, Abby my girl."

"You do in so many ways."

"I hope that doesn't mean I'm predictable."

"No, it means that your touch and your voice always make me feel good."

"Oh, good."

"And that I love you so very much."

"I love you, too." He tugged sharply at her hair, enough to tilt her head back so he could press a kiss to the side of her neck freely.

She moaned, pushing her neck closer to his mouth. She couldn't believe how good this was feeling. She had wanted time alone with him just as much as Stephen said Becker wanted with her.

"Mine," he growled against her neck. "All mine right now."

"Yes, oh god yes, Hilary."

At the moment, he was extremely disinclined to share her, something which probably showed in the possessive way he clutched at her as he thrust.

Abby moved back against him and let out a soft moan as she did. There was something that made every nerve in her body stand up when he acted so possessive of her.

He wouldn't even share her with Stephen at the moment. She was completely his.

She was his completely in this moment. She couldn't imagine being anywhere else right now.

He let his hands move to her hips, gripping tightly as he thrust.

She bucked against him, her hands moving to brace herself against the bed.

Becker groaned softly as he watched her brace herself. God, that was a beautiful sight, Abby bent over just for him.

She turned her head to look at him when she heard that. "Love you."

"Love you, too." He smiled darkly at her as he thrust again, harder.

Abby moaned arching her back which opened her body more for him.

"Jesus," he hissed as he thrust, trying to keep at least some margin of restraint.

"God, oh god yes."

Becker knew they were being loud and that Stephen could probably hear them in the other room; he also knew that if Stephen could hear them, he was quite probably enjoying it.

Abby hadn't registered that fact, yet. She was losing herself in how Becker was making her feel. Later she would probably be very cheerful that they gave Stephen such an earful.

Becker thrust harder and harder with each thrust, losing himself in doing something to Abby that he hadn't done since before Leslee had come along.

Abby mewled in her throat, moving back against him with each thrust. She hadn't felt this connection between the two of them for a long time.

He brought one hand up to grab her hair again.

"God, Hilary, I like when you do that."

He tugged roughly. It was something out of character for him, something he would never do otherwise. It was something he loved.

She made that mewling sound he loved and rocked back against him again, her head tilted back.

"That's it," he murmured. "Let me hear you."

She mewled again.

"Oh yeah," he said, groaning. "That's my girl."

She nodded, rolling her hips back against him as she braced her arms in front of her.

"Oh, fuck!" was all he managed to get out before he came with one last, rough thrust.

Abby was trembling as she bucked back against him, rising up to wrap her arms back around his neck as he came.

He groaned, still moving against her.

"My Hilary. My beautiful, loving Hilary."

"Yours," he agreed, burying his face against her neck. "Forever."

"Yes, for as long as you want me. Forever."

"Forever." He pressed a kiss to her neck. "Forever."

"Always and forever."

______

"I really don't want to move right now, just so you know."

"I have no desire to move, either."

"We probably should, though. Someone has to let Stephen know he can come back in."

"He said to take our time."

"He did?" Becker made a mental note to thank him for that later. Enthusiastically, too.

"Yes, he did."

"Good."

"Why didn't you tell me that you wanted time alone with me?"

"I thought you didn't want time alone with me anymore," he said softly.

Abby blinked. "Why would you think that?"

"Because it's so often the three of us," Becker said. "It hasn't been just you and me in... well, a long time."

"I didn't know either of you wanted me alone," she said softly. "I wanted to ahve time with just us, too, but thought I would hurt one of you if I said that."

"We're not that stupid anymore, Abby."

"I didn't mean to imply you were." She sighed softly. "I'm just always so worried about making sure I don't do anything to hurt you again."

"Stop worrying about it so much. I mean, yeah, it's good that you don't want to hurt either of us. But stop being so careful with us."

"But I hurt you because I wasn't careful enough." Her whisper was full of self-loathing.

"Oh, love..." He pulled her into his arms and just held her.

She clung to him tightly. "I love you so much, Hilary. I hate that I hurt you."

"It's okay now, though," he said. "I've had time alone with you. I'm happy now."

"We need to do this more often."

"If you'd want that."

"I would... if you wanted me like that."

"God yes," Becker said instantly. "I thought you didn't want me like that anymore."

"I didn't know I was allowed to," she admitted.

"Why wouldn't you be?"

"Because I didn't want the two of you to think I was choosing between you."

"So you chose both of us instead." He smiled faintly. "Which I love. Don't get me wrong, I love when it's the three of us. But so much of it makes me just feel like you don't want the separate parts of the relationship. Which is silly, I know."

"That's not true at all," Abby said softly. "I do want the separate parts, very much so. I just don't want to hurt you again."

"Then trust us," Becker said. "Trust us to not feel hurt when you're with only one of us."

"I trust you more than I have ever trusted any one in my life."

"Then there's no problem." He smiled sheepishly. "Because I love Stephen and I want him with us, but sometimes I miss what it was like when it was just the two of us."

She gave him a small smile. "I feel that way. too."

"I wouldn't change his being with us, wouldn't trade it for anything," Becker said. "But I miss how things were between you and me before it became the three of us."

"I miss it, too. I love that we're all together and I would never change that for anything. I do want the time alone with you sometimes."

"So we definitely have to make time for ourselves, then," he said, snuggling down in the bed.

"We do," she agreed, snuggling against him.

"Is it horrible of me that I want to take the next couple hours for ourselves and just sleep with you in my arms?"

"No, I don't think that makes you horrible at all," she smiled. She was quiet for a moment. "Oh, Stephen wants us to film ourselves for him some time."

Becker whimpered. "I like that idea."

"I do, too. It sounds really sexy."

"I love that he wants it."

"Me, too. He has some wonderful ideas."

"He really does," Becker agreed.

"Hilary?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

He smiled at that. "I love you, too."

"Do you feel better about us, now?"

"I do."

"I'm glad, because you're never going to lose me again. I'm not going anywhere."

He just smiled. "I love you, Abby. And I love that you put up with my moments."

"You put up with mine just as well."

"We were meant for each other."

"I really do believe we were," she said with a sweet smile.

"Us and Stephen... it's exactly how it's supposed to be." He smiled in return. "And when the two of you want alone time, just let me know so I can be in the other room or go out for a while or whatever."

"It won't hurt you?"

"It'd only hurt me if you didn't tell me. I mean, you don't always have to tell me because I know sometimes the moment just strikes. But if you can... yeah, then tell me."

"Always try to tell you because I will not take the risk of hurting you like I already have."

"But if you can't or don't manage to tell me, that's fine. It's the trying that's important."

"I refuse to hurt you again."

"I know, love. And I love you for that."

"My beautiful Hilary."

"My amazing Abby."

"I love you so much."

"And I love you."

Are you still scared that I don't want you?" Her voice was small.

"Oh, love..." He hugged her tightly. "I never thought you didn't want me. I just thought you didn't want me separately anymore." And in his mind, the two were very different things.

"I do, Hilary. I very much do." She was trying hard to find the right words. "You, me and Stephen, we're a family and we belong together. I can't see a future where it's not the three of us." Although, if they ever wanted it to be just the two of them, she would bow out as gracefully as she could. "But that doesn't mean that all of the wants and needs are blended into just being all three of us. My love for you is different than my love for Stephen. I've needed to know that you guys felt that way, too. We have a relationship all together, but we have a relationship with each other, too. I need time with just you or just Stephen, but I didn't know how to ask." She sighed ruefully. "I didn't even know it would be all right until Stephen and I started talking about it. I've been so determined and focused on not making any mistakes or hurting you again that I was overlooking some very important things that we all need."

"And it isn't even that your love is different, necessarily," Becker said. "It's more that you love different things about us with the same intensity."

She nodded, relieved that she wasn't making this worse. "I thought that something was wrong with me because I wanted alone time with each of you. I didn't know that I was hurting you by not asking for it." She swallowed. "I keep hurting you, Hilary, even when I'm trying to take care of you." She sounded miserable at that admission.

"I think maybe you need to stop trying so hard," Becker said, trying to find the right words. "Because sometimes it feels like you're still trying to make it up to me for pulling Stephen into things."

"It's not bringing Stephen back into your life that I'm trying to make up for." Abby's voice was almost faint.

"What is it, then?" he asked curiously.

"For lying to you."

He looked at her in confusion.

"After we came back from the past, I promised you that the only way you would lose me was if I died," she said, looking away from him in shame. "But I walked out on you. I left on my own."

"Oh, Abby..." He hugged her tightly. "It's okay. You left for a good reason, you didn't leave because you were tired of me."

She shook her head wildly. "Never tired of you. Never. But I still lied to you. I promised and I lied to you. I've only wanted to make that up to you and get you to forgive me for hurting you so much. I have been trying so carefully to make sure that you know I love you and I never want to hurt you even accidentally." She swallowed. "And I know I can never fix the hurt that I already caused you and it kills me."

"Abby, listen to me," he said firmly. "You did not lie. You know why? Because if it'd been just you, you'd have stayed. But you left because you had a life growing inside you that had to come first."

"I would have stayed with you no matter how unhappy things were," she whispered. "But when I found out that Leslee was coming..."

"You had to do what was best for her."

She nodded miserably. "I had to."

"So how could I possibly hate you for taking care of my little girl?"

"I... I have no answer for that." Because she had never thought about it in that way before.

"I don't hate you, Abby, and I never have."

"I just want to make you sure you know how much you mean to me and that I don't think I could live without you."

"I know," he said solemnly. "Just like I know that you wouldn't have left if not for Leslee."

"No, I never would have," she said softly.

"So stop beating yourself up over it."

"As soon as you stop thinking I don't want just you alone sometimes." Her logic was sound on this argument.

"Well... okay."

"Because I do want you alone with me sometimes," she said firmly. "Because I miss that as much as you do."

"Will it hurt you if I say I want alone time with Stephen sometimes, too?"

She shook her head. "No, not at all -- especially if you give me details later. Because, sometimes, I would like to have alone time with him, too. I love it most of all when we're all three together, very much so. But sometimes... having one of you all to myself would be nice and I can see that you two would feel the same about each other, too."

"Oh, of course you'd get details," he assured her. "Even if nothing much happened. Because sometimes the thing I miss most is the way it felt when he'd hold me after I had a hard day."

"I can imagine," she nodded. "It's one of the things I've missed with you. I... I don't have that kind of knowledge with Stephen."

"You two can develop that knowledge now, though."

"I know that, now. He wants alone time with each of us sometimes, too."

"So we'll have to make sure it happens."

"I know. Good thing we have extra rooms here, yeah?"

"I think that was what we had in mind when we found this place," he admitted.

"You two are brilliant."

"Yeah, we kinda are."

"And so modest," she said dryly.

"Modesty. Meh."

Her laugh was watery, but it was still a laugh.

"That's my girl."

"Always going to be."

"I like that."

"That I always will be yours?"

"Yeah."

"Me, too."

"And I like that Stephen is ours, too. Because I never thought about sharing him, but now I can't imagine not sharing him with you."

"He's the only one I could ever share you with, Hilary."

"Because the three of us belong together."

She nodded. "I believe that with all of my heart."

"And I believe it with mine."

"I know. I can see in your eyes how much he and I are yours."

"You two mean so much to me it's a little frightening sometimes."

"Believe me, I understand that completely."

"But I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"Neither would I," she said, moving her head to lay on his chest.

He smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"We good now, love?"

"We are."

"So it's okay for me to start making mental lists again for my journal of that I want to try with both of you or each alone?

"Of course, but it'd be even better if you shared those lists with us sometime."

"Oh I will. I just don't want to shock you guys by some of my thoughts."

"There's no way we'd be shocked."

"I'd really like to have the two of you inside me at the same time again. I also like blindfolds and paddles and..." She swallowed.

"And what?" He arched an eyebrow.

"...being tied up." She swallowed. "I really enjoyed that."

"I'm glad you did," he said, smiling tenderly at her. "I was worried that you wouldn't."

"I enjoyed it a lot, love," she assured him.

"Good. I wasn't sure if it was overstepping a boundary or something, so I was a little nervous at first."

"I have no boundaries when it comes to you, Hilary. Or to Stephen."

"This is a good thing to know."

She gave him a small smile. "I probably should have made sure you knew that a long time ago."

"But I know now and that's what matters."

"It is, yes."

"And I'll probably test that no boundaries thing sometimes."

"Oh I hope so!"

He laughed softly. "With that kind of enthusiasm, I promise I will."

She grinned at him, kissing his shoulder.

He grinned in return.

"I love you, Hilary."

"And I love you."

"You and Stephen... you are the other parts of my soul. I meant that."

"Never doubted for a second."

"I'm glad."

"I will never doubt you. Ever."

"I won't doubt you, either."

"You're an amazing woman, you know."

"How so?"

"You had the strength to walk away when your baby was in danger and you had the strength to trust us again."

Her eyes widened for a fraction of a moment. She had never meant to make them think that she thought Leslee was in danger from them. "You guys had the courage to trust me again when you wanted me to come home."

"We never stopped trusting you."

"That's the last thing I would have ever wanted to lose," she admitted. "I could live -- if I had to -- with losing your love, but not your trust."

"Stephen and I didn't trust each other for a while, but we worked it out. We reconnected."

"You have no idea how happy I was to find that out."

"I'm sorry we hurt you, but I'm glad you gave us another chance."

"I would give you millions of chances, Hilary."

"I wouldn't deserve them. If I needed more than a second chance... you wouldn't need me in your life."

"I would always need you in my life."

"Even if I'd hurt you again?" He wasn't trying to get angsty about it, he was just trying to process it.

"Yes. Because if you ever hurt me again, you would feel horrible about it without me adding to it."

He laughed softly. "You know me so well."

"I really do," she said with a smile.

"And I know you just as well."

She nodded, not even trying to deny that.

"Y'know what? Give me a hug." He grinned at her. "We needed this talk."

She smiled hugging him tightly. "We did."

"I think it went well, pretty much."

"I think so, too."

"A little rough in some spots, but nothing we couldn't soothe over," he said, holding her close. "Even with my worrying."

"But we love each other and we'll be fine no matter what."

"Exactly," he said, kissing her gently. "Exactly."

She snuggled close, deepening the kiss.

He moaned softly into the kiss. "I like just snogging with you."

"I enjoy that, too."

"If it leads to something, yay. If not, it's still fun."

She grinned at him and nodded.

"And it's been a while since we just snogged, anyway." He grinned in return. "It's something we should do more often."

"Yes we should. I can't remember the last time we did that, actually."

"I think it was before Stephen came back into the picture."

She nodded. "Maybe."

"That's kind of sad, actually. Means I haven't spent enough time just appreciating you."

"You appreciate me plenty."

"But not like this."

"This is different, true."

"It's... peaceful."

"Peaceful is nice."

"It is," he agreed.

"I like curling up with you."

"We'll have to do this more often, then."

"I like that idea."

"Just you and me, but sometimes the three of us too."

She nodded, laying her head on his chest.

"Go to sleep if you want, love."

"Don't want to fall asleep on you when we're talking."

"I don't mind," he assured her.

She was quiet for a moment. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Hilary?"

"Yeah?"

"I've missed you."

He smiled at that. "I've missed you, too."

"Let's not miss each other again, okay?" She yawned.

"Okay, love."

"You tired?"

"Getting there."

"You should sleep."

"So should you."

"But if I sleep then this will be over. Or I'll wake up and you and Stephen will both be gone," she said sleepily.

"No, we won't. I'll be right here and Stephen will be asleep in the guest bedroom."

"Promise," she said softly as her eyes closed.

"I promise."

"Okay," she murmured from against his chest.

He murmured soothing words to her as she started to doze off.

She was soon asleep in his arms.

Becker just held her for a while, letting her sleep. At one point the bedroom door opened, Stephen poking his head in.

"Didn't hear anything in a while, wanted to see how you guys were doing," he whispered.

"We're great," Becker said, smiling peacefully.

"Good. I'll see you in the morning." He smiled at Becker before closing the door.

Becker was still smiling when he turned his attention back to Abby. She was still asleep. Good.

That was when he let himself finally drift off.

Part Four