From Where We're Standing [6/8]

[shadowcat]

Title: From Where We're Standing
Author: enochiansigils and not_from_stars
Fandom: Primeval
Pairing/Characters: Abby Maitland/Hilary Becker, Implied Stephen Hart/Hilary Becker
Rating/Category: PG-13
Summary: Two years ago, Stephen walked away from the Anomaly Research Project and vowed never to set foot near an anomaly again. However, when Nick Cutter calls him for help, he can't say no. Abby Maitland is lost on the other side of an anomaly and her time is running out. Stephen agrees immediately, because he's still in love with Abby. He wants to get her back and let her know how he feels. However, there's a complication that he hadn't expected. Captain Becker -- Abby's boyfriend and Stephen's ex...
Words: 36,000
Notes: Written for casestory Big Bang 2011. We want to thank our wonderful artists for this: weaselett, sexycazzy, and pink_flame_87. Thank you guys so very much for the gorgeous art you made for us!










Becker was trying not to let himself shake as he paced back and forth at the front of the cave. Abby had already been too long without medical treatment and the longer they stayed her, the worse her chances at recovery were getting.

Stephen had been sitting with Abby; now he stood and made his way to the front of the cave to look out at the rain. "It looks like it's letting up a little," he said.

Unfortunately, "a little" wasn't nearly enough.

"Hopefully it will let up more or stop completely."

"Hopefully." He fell silent, yet again not sure what to say. It was a familiar feeling, the past few days.

Becker understood that all too well. He didn't know what to say to Stephen and being trapped in a cave with him and his girlfriend who was slipping away from him more and more each moment wasn't helping matters.

"I'm sorry," Stephen said quietly. This wasn't the time to talk about themselves, no, but what else was there to talk about? It was actually a better alternative than talking about what Abby might be facing.

"Don't say that," Becker's voice was quiet. "There's nothing to be sorry for because we are not losing her to this place. I'm not letting some insane past history era of creatures take her away from me like this."

"Not for that. For us. For what I did to you."

"Stephen," Becker shook his head. "I can't do this right now."

"Neither can I, but it's a more appealing alternative than being terrified that Abby's going to die."

"I'm not taking the chance that she comes out of it temporarily only to hear us fighting. She won't be able to see us and that will scare her."

"Not fighting with you," Stephen said with a sigh. "Just saying I'm sorry."

"I would like it very much if I could believe that." His voice was tired. "But right now, I just don't have the energy."

"Then we'll talk about something else." This was something he'd done myriad times during their relationship, distracted Becker from the events of his day just by talking to him.

"Your job," Becker suggested quietly. "What do you do, how long have you done it?"

"Well, like I said, I work for a wildlife conservation group. I'm the resident tracker; the animals we're trying to help are often wounded or skittish. That's where I come in."

"Because you have a better chance of getting them to come closer to you so they can be sedated and examined." Becker nodded. "You'd be good at that. Abby --" His voice broke. "Abby's been training to do some of that." He sighed. "I track people. She tracks the creatures."

"She'll be good at it," Stephen said reassuringly.

"She wasn't to be as good of as you," There was no bite in Becker's words. "She thought about calling you to ask for training in it, but thought that would just be a reminder of a world you were trying to escape and that she should only call you if she was in trouble." He sighed. "I encouraged her to do this, but I don't know if I would have if I knew that you were the one she was wanting to emulate so strongly."

"I wish she'd called me," Stephen said quietly. "When we get home and things are back to normal, I'll see if she still wants to train with me."

"She probably will and..." Becker sighed. "You are the best at that."

Stephen acknowledged the statement with a slight nod. "She'll be damn good, too, if I have anything to say about it."

"You'll make her the best and it's what she's been working towards for the last two years."

"I will," Stephen said with a nod. "And... two years? That's about how long I've been at my job. I pretty much went right from the ARC to my current employment."

"Sounds like what happened with me. I was hired on as soon as you were gone to protect the team and keep them safe."

"I'm glad they had you," Stephen said. "They needed someone like you."

"Not everyone thought so at first. Abby was the last hold out, although she was nice enough about it."

"That's Abby for you, not a mean bone in her body."

"She was trying to stay loyal to you and saw me as trying to replace you."

"You weren't, though."

"No, I wasn't even going to try. I just wanted to do the job I was hired to do, maybe make friends with the team." He shook his head. "I certainly hadn't planned on falling in love again."

"I'm... I'm glad you did," Stephen said quietly. "I never wanted you to be alone."

Becker sighed quietly. "I was trying really hard to be. I didn't want to go through getting hurt again." He looked back at Abby. "Then this tiny pixie turned everything upside down for me."

"She's got a way of doing that," he agreed.

"Yeah, she does," he said quietly. "For the first time in awhile, I talked about you."

"You did?"

"I did. I think it was because she was so gentle and loving, and she had been hurt, too. Only, unlike me, she was pretty sure that the guy who hurt her was never even aware that he was breaking her heart."

Stephen tilted his head, looking at Becker thoughtfully. "Me, right?"

Becker nodded. "I didn't know that my Stephen and her Stephen were the same one until you showed up here after Cutter's call."

"I didn't know I'd broken her heart," Stephen said. "She never gave me any indication. If I'd known, I... I don't know what I would've done, but I would've tried to stop hurting her."

"You asked her out and to stay the night with you... but you were poisoned and thought you were dying. You forgot about it when you were healed," He said softly. "Not your fault, but it hurt her that she was that forgettable. There were times after that that she said sometimes she thought you fancied her like she did you... and then you'd put up this distance between the two of you for some reason." He shrugged and looked out into the rain. "She said that she knew she was probably being an idiot to love you when you were so clearly not interested, but she couldn't help it. And then you were gone."

"I put up that distance because I was with you. I wasn't supposed to be interested in her when I already had someone. But I was, and I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't think I could tell her, because what girl would want to know the guy she loves has a boyfriend but still wants her?"

"It's Abby," Becker pointed out. "She's more understanding than most. You should have been honest with her that you already had someone instead of making her feel that there was something wrong with her when it came to you. It would have been easier for her to be close friends with you and not be tearing her heart out at the same time." Becker's voice was gentle. "She thought that she had done something or wasn't girl enough or tough enough." He let out a breath. "Because she thought she couldn't ever compete with Helen."

"Oh, God." Stephen let out a heavy sigh. "I never wanted Abby to be anyone other than herself. Her beautiful, fierce self."

"She is beautiful and fierce, but sometimes her confidence in herself falters and she does..." He shook his head. "But yes, she thought you were still holding a torch for Helen and that she was the reason you kept letting her get close to you, and then putting up a distance."

"I'm going to make sure she knows that wasn't why. Really knows it, I mean."

Becker shrugged. "I told her about us, too. Talking to her was just... it was easy when we were together."

"What did you tell her about us?" Stephen asked curiously.

"That I had loved with a wonderful, but complicated man and that I thought everything was good between us until the night I realized it wasn't."

"I'm sorry," Stephen said quietly. "I'm sorry. I have reasons for it, and someday maybe you'll listen to them. And no, that's not me starting a fight, I promise."

"Yeah, this is not the time for doing that. Not here and not now. I'm sorry, I'm sure you have reasons, but "right now all I can think about is Abby."

"I'm sorry," Stephen said again. "No, not for that this time. For my apparent knack at ruining an otherwise peaceful moment between us the past couple days."

"I'm not sure anything in the last few days could be thought of as peaceful, Stephen," Becker said, shaking his head. At least he was using his first name now?

"In terms of us and fighting, not the situation as a whole."

Becker sighed. "I don't think I know how not to fight with you right now. I know that you have your reasons for what you did, but I was the one that was hurt by it. Then, you storm in here intending to take my world away from me. How do you expect me to react?"

"Exactly like this," Stephen said, surprising himself. "Because you wouldn't be you if you didn't."

"You don't know me as well as you think," Becker said quietly, looking back out into the rain. "A lot of things have changed. In fact, best civilian tracker or not, if it hadn't been Abby we needed to find I would have sent you packing when you arrived at the ARC."

"If I didn't want Abby, I'd offer to leave as soon as we get her home." He was trying to apologize, in a twisted sort of way. Because he hadn't stopped to think that trying to take Abby would hurt anybody else.

Becker's laugh was humorless. "But you're not going to do that."

"No. I'm not. The only way I leave is if she tells me to."

Becker sighed. "I can't let you take her, Stephen. She's my entire world."

"And I can't not try."

"So this leaves us at an impasse because I will fight you with everything I am."

"And I'll do my damnedest to win."

"You sound like you're determined to declare a war when we get back."

"That's one way of putting it."

Becker shrugged. "Military."

"It's also an appropriate one. You may be the military man, but I've got my own strengths here."

"Which is why I said you were declaring war," he said quietly. "Because I'll fight you with my last breath to keep you from stealing her from me."

"I'll fight similarly to get her," Stephen said. "I'm not doing this on a lark, Becker."

He turned to look at him. "Why now? The least you can do is tell me why you decided to come for her now?"

"Knowing she's missing was what made me realize I couldn't wait any longer to tell her. It's what made me realize that I had to do something about it."

"And you didn't take the time to think that maybe telling her after you had been gone for two years might be a little cruel... or that she wouldn't have a life?"

"No, I didn't," Stephen said quietly, looking down.

"And yet, you're still going to tell her."

"I'm going to find a gentle way to tell her. A way that won't hurt so badly."

"Why? Just give me a good reason why you would do that to her? She's happy, Stephen. She's really happy."

"Because I want to be happy, too. I haven't been happy since before I left you."

"So your way of doing this is trying to ruin my life?"

"I hadn't thought that far, okay?"

"Obviously."

"I don't want to hurt you, Becker. I really don't. I just can't figure out how to get what I want without hurting you."

"So there's a simple solution. Don't do it."

"Then you're happy and Abby's happy but I'm left out in the cold entirely." This was not an appealing idea.

"Then how about going and finding yourself someone who isn't already in love with someone else," Becker muttered. "Keep an eye on Abby, I need some air." He swept a slicker over him and went out into the rain.

Stephen looked at Abby, watching her for a moment. Still completely out of it. He hated that, hated how helpless he felt to do anything.

And he hated the way he'd just hurt Becker again.

He hadn't meant to, he really hadn't. He was just being honest with the man, figuring he at least owed Becker that much. But he'd said too much, said it in the wrong way, and now Becker was out there in the rain and the danger. Out there to potentially get hurt by something.

It was scary how much the idea of Becker getting hurt scared him. Now he understood why ARC personnel couldn't tell their significant others what they really did. The worrying would be too much for some.

Except Becker wasn't Stephen's significant other, not anymore. He didn't have the right to worry about him anymore, much less feel a sudden bolt of fear over potential danger to the man.

He shook his head and looked back at Abby, carefully stroking a finger down her cheek. "Come on, Abby, stay with us," he whispered. "I have to get the chance to tell you I love you."

And that was the biggest fear of all, that he would never get the chance to admit his feelings.



It was day four and Becker shook his head. "She's burning up and hasn't responded to anything for the last two days. We are bundling her up as best as we can and getting her the hell out of here."

Stephen nodded. "Let's get this done," he said, looking around for anything and everything they could bundle her up in.

They had three blankets plus the one Abby had been wrapped in. Becker had an extra rain slicker that he wrapped around her head and upper arms. "She may get an infection but we have no other choice. She's dying on us."

"Infection is preferable to staying here and doing nothing," Stephen agreed as he gathered the rest of the blankets. "Because an infection we can get rid of."

Becker radioed to the team by the anomaly. "Let Cutter know. We're bring Abby in, she won't last much longer in these conditions no matter what we do, so we're risking the rain. ETA is about two hours."

"Hang in there, Abby," Stephen whispered. "We're getting you out of here now."

After she was securely wrapped up as much as they could, Becker lifted her up into his arms and held her firmly against his chest. "You have point, Stephen. I'll follow you."

Stephen just nodded and moved out of the cave, looking around for a second to get his bearings before starting to walk.

Becker was more relieved than he let on that Stephen hadn't tried to argue with him about who was carrying Abby. "You hold on, you hear me, Abby my girl. We're almost out of here and you just have to hold on for a little bit longer until our doctors can fix you up."

Stephen hadn't argued, but that didn't mean he hadn't wanted to. But he knew it was more important for them to get going and get Abby to safety.

Becker was getting soaked to the skin because he had wrapped his own jacket around Abby at the last minute. He could afford to catch a cold, she couldn't. After awhile of traveling he yelled at to Stephen.

"The site should be over the next hill."

Stephen didn't say anything, just climbed up the hill.

Thankfully, Becker had been right and their timing was such that they only had to wait five minutes before the anomaly sprang to life and opened. He didn't waste anytime running through the anomaly and barking orders at the men who had been waiting on the other side.

"Head trauma, gored in the shoulder and along her ribs. Broken wrist, broken leg, Hart had to push her knee back into place. She's been unconscious two days. We found her in an underground cave that she was probably in for a week with no food or water, and then we were trapped with the rain for the last three."

The men were quick as the peeled the wet blankets away from their patient and set her down on the gurney that had been waiting for her. They started hooking up IVs to her and putting an oxygen mask over her face as they hustled her back through the anomaly that would take them out of the Junction and back to their world.

Becker ran with his men answering questions and issuing orders.

Cutter walked over to Stephen and wrapped a dry blanket around the other man's shoulders. "You found her."

"I did," Stephen said with a nod. "We did."

"I didn't hear all of it, but it sounds like she's in pretty bad shape."

"She is, Nick." Stephen was solemn. "She's so badly injured... and she can't see. Or she couldn't the last time she was awake."

"Oh hell." He squeezed Stephen's shoulder, hearing the pain and worry in his old friend's voice. "Hopefully it's just a temporary thing. The doctors will take care of her, Stephen."

"I can't stand it," Stephen said, finally allowing his voice to crack. "I can't stand the fear that I might lose her."

"She's going to pull through this, Stephen," Cutter said with as much confidence as he could muster. It had been a long two weeks. "You're not going to lose her, not like this. Abby is a fighter and always has been."

"I know," Stephen said quietly. "I know."

Cutter tugged at his shoulder. "Come on. I'll get you to the hospital. We'll follow the ambulance."



Both men had lost track of how long they'd been sitting by Abby's bedside; all they knew was that it'd been a while. Longer than a while, really. The others had tried getting them to leave, but neither man would budge.

Stephen wasn't leaving because he had something to say to Abby once she woke up, but Becker wasn't leaving for the simple reason that he just hoped to be able to keep Stephen from making his admission.

Because if Stephen said it, Becker knew his life with Abby was pretty much over and he didn't know if he could take that.

Cutter and the rest of the team stopped by often to check on Abby and the two men. It had been three days since they finally returned from the Pleistocene and Cutter was trying his best to get the two men to take a break.

"One of us will sit with her while you two go get cleaned up and get something to eat."

"No," Becker said simply. "Thank you, but no." He wasn't giving Stephen a chance to end up alone with Abby and say anything to her.

"I want to stick around and see her wake up," was Stephen's answer.

Becker just glared at Stephen. Or tried to; there was too much uncertainty and fear in the expression for it to be a real glare.

"Is there going to be a problem between you?" Jenny demanded crisply. "Because if there is, I will get the doctors to ban you from her room and security to keep you out."

"No problem," Becker said, looking back at Abby. "As long as he keeps his mouth shut when she wakes up."

Jenny looked at Cutter and looked back at the two men. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"I have something to tell her and he's convinced it's going to take her away from him." Which, if it went the way he wanted, it would. But if it didn't, Becker was safe.

"Oh for pity's sake, you two! Abby has just gone through hell and she's so hurt that she's been unconscious ever since you brought her back. Trying to have a neanderthal showdown at her bedside is in remarkably poor taste."

"Why do you think we're both staying?" Stephen said. "It's the only way we have to make sure this stays fair."

Becker was too busy looking mildly afraid to say anything; he just nodded.

"Because doing something like this right when she wakes up after what she has just been through is self-centered and cruel." She looked at Becker. "I thought better of you, Captain."

"I don't have much of a choice," Becker said quietly. "I don't trust him to not say something if I leave. I don't trust him not to hurt her. I don't trust him not to hurt me. Again."

Jenny's jaw clenched. "The main concern should be Abby's well-being," she said tightly. "Both of you get out. You can wait in the hall." She looked at Becker and then at Stephen. "Do it on your own power and don't make me call security in here to eject you."

"Jenny," Cutter started.

"No. In fact, you can stay outside to make sure they behave themselves. Sarah and I will take turns watching over her until she wakes up."

Becker just touched Abby's arm one last time before quietly slinking out of the room.

"You, too," Jenny snapped at Stephen. "Now."

Stephen just looked at her a moment before leaving.

Jenny collapsed in one of the vacant chairs and reached for Abby's hand. "Your men are dumber than a box of rocks, Abby."





Part Five | Part Seven